


Aishite Aishite Aishite

by violet_daydreams



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Abuse, Akechi is 19 when they meet, Akira is 18, Blackmail, Blood and Injury, Child Abuse, Choking, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, M/M, Underage Drinking, goro is raised by shido, nothing physical, there's some super vague tatsujun, vague tatsujun parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-16 04:04:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14804003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_daydreams/pseuds/violet_daydreams
Summary: For the first time, Goro feels like he can breathe when he’s with Akira. So, he supposes that’s love because that’s the only thing that will keep his necklace from choking him.





	1. A Lonely Child

**Author's Note:**

> Due to work, this is as much as I could comfortably post! I'll add the rest as I finish editing.

Goro is four when his life changes dramatically for the first time. 

His mother, Mitsuyo Akechi, chases him through the house, joking and laughing and smiling. He looks just like her, grandmother says when she visits. He has her sweet smile, her maroon eyes, her silky chestnut hair, and that same glint in his eyes when he wants something he’s not supposed to have. He looks more like her splitting image than he’s ever looked of Masayoshi’s, she hopes the only thing Goro gets from him is a pretty smile, a last name, and a sharp mind. 

Mitsuyo just barely catches him, panting and out of breath as she scoops him up into her arms and twirls him around. He giggles, clinging to her shirt gently and nuzzling her shoulder.

He’s homeschooled, so, Goro doesn’t get to interact much with anyone outside of his tutors and nanny, Emina. It’s not a normal childhood by any means, definitely not the kind she ever wanted for her child, but it’s better than living on the streets or judged and stigmatized for being a child born out of wedlock. Sure, Goro will struggle to make friends his own age, but she thinks it’s more than worth it. Getting to stay with the man she loves, to stay useful to him, means the world to her. All she has to do is give him credit for all of the progress she achieves in the field of cognitive psience. This lavish life is worth throwing away all of the credit for her hard work and dedication to the sciences. 

Masayoshi and Goro are worth it. 

Her marriage and child will always be worth it.

It’s better this way. 

And they almost make a happy family together. 

Even if Masayoshi doesn’t seem to know the importance of family. 

Or love. 

But as long as Goro has one loving parent, she thinks he’ll be okay. Her father was absent while she was growing up, constantly away on business, but she turned out just fine. At least, she thinks she has. She has a successful career, a wealthy husband, a son, the home of her dreams.  So, Goro should be fine if he turns out to be just as strong as she is. 

His mother kisses his forehead and sets him down, ruffling his hair with a soft sigh. She’d love to spend all the time in the world with Goro, teasing and chasing him. However, his father is due home any minute, Mitsuyo can’t afford to play with him much longer, despite the longing ache in her heart to devote all of her love and attention to him. Unfortunately, her biggest priority is keeping Masayoshi Shido happy with her, she needs his home. She needs him, it’s more than just dumb puppy love, unlike when they first met. He no longer showers her with adoration and praise unless she’s doing something worth his attention. He holds her fate in the palm of his hand and he knows it, spending her gaps without achievement lording it over her head.

Mitsuyo’s sure he must take some sick satisfaction in knowing they rely on him.

She scampers off to the kitchen, greeting Masayoshi with the warmest welcome she can muster. He walks in, with a loud sigh and his briefcase falls to the floor with a thud. Goro flinches at the noise, unsure where this is going to go, but he can’t imagine it’ll be good. Things rarely are when Shido is in a mood, he’s a quick learner, especially when it comes to his father’s cues.  Goro sits on the couch, swinging his feet as his parents speak in hushed tones in the kitchen, he can already tell this conversation isn’t meant for his ears. His father, while difficult to make out, sounds harsh and commanding as usual. It’s not enough to make Goro worry for his mother’s safety, he doesn’t think Shido has ever been violent with her.  Even so, he doesn’t like it.  He peers over the edge of the couch, into the next room, hoping to get a better idea of what’s going on between his parents. When his father makes eye contact with Goro, he takes Mitsuyo by arm and leads her up the stairs for a word in private. Goro’s nose wrinkles up and his shoulders slump slightly as he sinks back down. Well, at least he  _ tried  _ investigating… 

He pushes himself off of the couch and goes to find himself a snack with the kitchen empty. Maybe an apple or a pear, he’s certain the maid brought fruit home when she went to the store earlier today. He’d managed to sneak off from his tutor for a minute or two when he heard the door open, insatiably curious after hours of trying to sit s till and focus. He hates studying, his momma had clued him off to that fact that most kids his age aren't pushed this hard. But his father wants to become an important man in the eyes of Japan. Apparently Goro being a smart boy can help that. The thought makes him pout, though it falls when he sees the fresh fruit has been put into a bowl on the island.   

As he passes the kitchen table to get there, a ghostly chill runs down his spine. 

That was... weird. 

Oh well, weird things happen sometimes. That shouldn't keep him from savoring a pear.  Goro hums quietly, moving up onto his tiptoes to reach the fruits sitting at the top of the bowl. Sure, it’s a  _ little  _ close to dinner, but his mother had told him he never had to ask permission for fruit. Maybe he’ll get in trouble for spoiling his appetite, but he can always parrot her words back at her. It’s one of the things he does best, his father says he's like a little lawyer. It's the highest compliment he's been paid by Masayoshi in sometime, he delights in it. 

He’s pretty hungry after all his school work and who knows when dinner will be ready. His mother’s  _ supposed  _ to cook dinner tonight, it’s why Emina left early. Ordinarily she sticks around longer to cook for them, since his parents are often too busy to make the family meals themselves. 

His schoolwork was especially difficult today, his parents are advancing his studies compared to the other kids his age, his father wants to show he’s focusing on his son’s education, dreams of politics looming in his future. He doesn’t quite get it, but his mother tells him to work hard, so, he does. They imagine he’ll skip a few grades, considering he’s learning above a pre-school level already. 

That’s supposed to make Shido happy, so, he’ll do it without complaint even if all the work makes his head spin.

With a pear in hand he sits at the table, legs swinging again as he bites into it. He notices a small black box, the red ribbon wrapped around it eye catching. He scoots his chair closer, wincing as it squeaks against the tile. There’s a gray tag looped through the thick ribbon, his name scrawled on it when he flips it over to read. The box feels big in his hands when he finally picks it up. His curiosity only grows, the foreign shiver down his spine chilling him to the bone once more with a strange call. It reminds him of something sweet and soft, like wind chimes singing on the breeze. He looks at his name on the little card attached again, unable to keep his smile from falling. So, it’s from Shido, then. Mitsuyo’s handwriting is much neater and one he knows far better. 

Is it a special occasion? Or has he finally done well enough to earn a gift from his father? Maybe… His tutors have been saying he’s doing well, especially considering the material is a bit advanced for his age. So, he guesses, it really must be for him then.

He unties the ribbon around the box carefully, nose wrinkling as he opens it to reveal his gift. To say it’s a disappointment feels like the understatement of the century. Does Shido even know what he likes? Or even what  _ most _ little boys are supposed to like? Goro likes heroes and dinosaurs, and animals. Instead, he’s staring at a boring old necklace. 

It’s not even a pretty one, he thinks he’d like it more if it was more colorful and less _boring_. It’s rather plain, a thick black band with a silver clasp and a small white gemstone in the center. It’s something more suited to his mother than himself, he’s sure. Simple but elegant like her, but his father isn’t the type to buy her anything. Shido has always preferred Goro far more, so, it truly must be for him. What a lame gift. He’s sure he’ll have to pretend to like it later, it’s what his mother will expect from him. Besides, maybe his Shido will keep buying him nice things if he pretends he likes it. Maybe one day it’ll even be something he actually likes. 

The idea makes him grin.

He picks it up and feels something odd wash over him in waves. It feels almost… dangerous, yet he can’t explain why. It’s an unnatural feeling, outside of this world, it’s more than his four year old imagination running wild, he’s certain. It’s like he’s being punched in the stomach, in the least painful way possible. It makes him consider putting the necklace down and tying it up all pretty like he’d never touched the box it, but he hears a voice that pulls him right back in.  The sweet wind chimes all over again.

“ _ Little boy, do you want to be loved?” _ The necklace asks. It reminds Goro of soft flower petals and breezy days, safe and sweet and secure.

Goro doesn’t question where the voice comes from, instead, he answers seamlessly, “Momma loves me, Emina-chan loves me.”

“ _ Is it enough? Don’t you want more?” _

“More....?” The concept doesn’t quite exist to him. For the past four years, he’s always had Emina and his mother. He doesn’t know many others, there hasn’t been a need for him to see kids his own age. Outside of trips to the store and parks with Emina, he barely leaves the mansion. 

His whole _world_ is the mansion.  He’s never thought about there needing to be much more outside of it and its staff. 

“ _ More.” _ It replies, voice laced with bell-like laughter, _ “I can help you get all the love you need, little one.” _

“I don’t need more. Momma and Emina-chan are good.”

“ _ What about father?”  _ It seems to know to go after his sore spot quickly, rooted deep within him. Not that Goro’s deep desire for his father’s approval lay too far beneath the surface, Shido had never shown him the same affection as Emina or Mitsuyo had. “ _ Or your tutors? I can help you if you let me, Goro-tan _ .”

“You know my name…?” He knows he hasn’t introduced himself. But it can’t be stranger danger if it’s a necklace, right?

“ _ Of course! We’re friends, aren’t we?”  _

“Friends..?” It’s not a word that gets thrown around often, but he’s smart enough to know what it means even if he doesn’t have any. He’s almost reading at a first grade level, despite only being four. 

“ _ Don’t you have those?” _

Like a broken record, Goro starts again, “Momma and--”

“ _ Momma and Emina-chan don’t count. They  _ **_have_ ** _ to love you.” _

“Oh…” He frowns. Well, then he guesses he just doesn’t have friends. Maybe he’ll talk to mother about that when she tucks him in tonight. Maybe he can try to make some if he asks.

“ _ I’ll love you forever, Goro-tan. All you’d have to do is make sure you’re loved and I’ll even help. Just put me on.” _

“Forever…?” He lives with Shido, promises usually have a catch, don’t they?

“ _ Forever _ ,” The necklace repeats.

“Forever is a  _ looong  _ time,” Goro says with a pout. Do necklaces even  _ know _ how long forever is? Sure, it seems smart, but there are things even smart people don’t know. His tutor taught him that after Goro hit him with a barrage of questions.

It sounds irritated, almost sickly sweet now, “ _ I promise to love you forever and ever, Goro-tan _ .”

“I just have to wear you…?” Being loved  _ is  _ something Goro wants, so, it’s not like it’s a  _ hard _ choice to make. But he’s still a little nervous, his father didn’t give it to him directly. What if Shido gets mad? He should wait, shouldn’t he? But, really, he could be upstairs with Mitsuyo for hours if they lose track of time. Would it hurt to put the necklace on now?

“ _ That’s it, little one. Don’t worry, we’re made to be together.” _

Logically, Goro thinks it’s a pretty sound argument. A friend he can wear forever doesn’t sound terrible, especially since the necklace says he doesn’t have  _ any _ . If Emina and mother don’t count, then he’s all alone. And it’ll be nice to have a friend, won’t it?

“ _ It will _ ,” the choker replies. It makes Goro a little uneasy, having something know what’s in his head. But how different is it from when mother knows exactly what mischief he’s trying to cause?

“ _ Exactly _ ,” the choker hums, “ _ put me on then _ .”

So, Goro does what he does best. 

He listens. 

He fumbles a bit with the latch for the clasp as he pulls it around his neck. There’s a feeling of victory as he gets it to hook, then confusion. The very clasp he just hooked is gone, the choker a solid band around his throat. It’s far tighter than the notch he put it on and he tries to pull at it, not liking the pressure on his airway. What happened…?

“ _ We won’t be together if you take me off _ ,” It says, though, that doesn’t make Goro less scared. It’s so tight and it hurts as it digs into his skin.

He doesn’t like it. 

Not at all.

He pulls at the choker, whimpering and sniffling as he tries in vain to loosen it, but nothing works. 

He later learns only love will set him free.


	2. A Loss

The second time his life changes dramatically, Goro is freshly turned five.

Mitsuyo and Shido argue far more than they used to due to the choker strung around his neck. He doesn’t like it and it’s aware, always _always_ aware of all of his thoughts and feelings. He wants to ask his mother more about the stupid necklace that hurts him constantly, but she gets upset when he talks about it. She made it, apparently. It’s her fault he suffers daily, that he needs constant attention and a special eye on him in case he starts to choke. Shido told him that after a particularly brutal fight between his parents. They’re special scientists in a special branch, something the government has been keeping a secret.

Cognitive psience.

The choker- _his_ choker- was a failed experiment. A way of trying to get a patient to strive to meet emotional needs to suit their wellbeing with a gentle squeeze of encouragement. It’s not designed to come off with force, only when it feels his sated his needs can Goro be free. Shido says it will squeeze his throat forever because Mitsuyo made mistakes, couldn’t get the otherworldly creature inside it to let go. He doesn’t blame her for her incomplete experiment, but it hurts just the same.

She cries when she looks at him in any shirt that isn’t a turtleneck. She makes him feel insecure, unwanted. The choker is so tight when she’s around because she doesn’t love him quite the same. Her guilt always wins out.

“ _She just doesn’t get it_ ,” the choker would say, “ _what we have is special, Goro-tan_.” And Goro nods as he sits on the couch, his mother pulling and prodding at the ever-so-tight choker. His mother’s been trying to get it off for the past few months with no luck and he doesn’t quite get why. As long as he gets positive genuine attention from his mom and Emina, the choker never gets too tight. He can live like this, with constricted breathing, so, he never minds.

Of course, Shido gets mad when Mitsuyo gets so close to his neck with knives and scissors and sharp nails. He says she’s a danger to Goro. That she’ll regret it if he catches her doing that again again.

So, Goro is a good boy. He doesn’t tell Shido what his mother does in the time between work and his arrival at home. He doesn’t tell him that Emina doesn’t stay as long as she used to. That his mother calls her a rat behind her back.

He thinks Emina must have told Shido about his mother once if his Mitsuyo is so bitter. He doesn’t blame Emina, Shido is scary when he’s mad and his temper flares so easily. Goro knows that Shido can ruin his mother’s life, she tells him that on the nights Shido doesn’t come home. They sleep together in Goro’s bed and she cries and so does he. He hates seeing his mother so sad.

He hates it more that it’s his fault.

Today, for the first time, Shido comes home early from work. He’s quiet enough to see Mitsuyo pulling on the choker with sharp nails and a pocket knife and he’s on her in a heartbeat, wrenching her hands away from Goro’s throat with an ironclad grip. “And what, pray tell, do you think you’re doing to _my_ son?”

Mitsuyo flinches back, head hung in shame as the knife clatters to the floor by her knees. “Ah, nothing, Masayoshi… He said it felt tight.”

Shido sneers at her and drops her hands, turning a far less harsh look to Goro, “Did you say that?”

Goro considers lying, protecting his mother, but then the collar tightens and he holds back a choked gasp. “ _Your papa will be happy with you if you’re honest_ ,” It says, urging him to think on it. To not waste a golden opportunity for someone who’s attention matters far to him that Mitsuyo’s ever will.

 _But momma hasn’t done anything_ , Goro protests, _and she’s always so nice._

“ _But she hasn’t loved you nearly as much since you put me on,”_ It pushes. And it’s right. She doesn’t pay him as much attention, chase him, or smile as fondly at him anymore. He’s been lonelier than he’s ever been in these few months. And he suffers constantly at the choker’s grip because of that. Even though her actions cause him suffering, he still loves her and wants to do everything he can to protect her as she would happily do for him. She still loves him, even if it hurts her to look at him. “ _You remind her of her mistakes. She made me,_ ” The collar reminds him. It sounds a little too happy about that. But Goro tries not to read into its tone, he knows it enjoys being cruel.

Goro’s shoulders shake with strain as he defies the choker’s wants and struggles for breath, “I did say it.”

“Oh?” Shido kneels down to make eye contact with Goro, concerned expression truly meeting his eyes, “Did she try to help you the right way first?” Goro knows Shido must have caugh onto his lies already, but he doesn’t seem angry at him. Maybe things will be okay for Goro, at least.

It’s too late for Mitsuyo.

“No…” Goro mumbles, afraid to dig himself deeper while his father spoke so nicely to him.

“Did she let Emina help?” He almost sounds concerned, Goro wants desperately to believe it.

He swallows hard, sniffling from the tightness around his throat. “No…”

Shido looks around the living room, looking for the clock kept in the room, “Isn’t Emina supposed to be looking after you?”

“I-I think so…” he chokes out, starting to pull at the necklace as it makes his skin angry and raw. It's times like this when the necklace feels  _sharp_ against his skin, digging harder into his throat.

“Where is she?” He cups Goro’s cheeks, eyes narrowed, “It’s important you tell the truth.”

Mitsuyo attempts to cut in, before Goro can get another word in (not that he could, panting softly from the new influx of air), “She wasn’t feeling—“

“Does it sound like I’m talking to you, woman? You’ve been nothing but deceitful these past few months.” He hasn’t trusted her in some time. She knows that, surely, Shido had made himself clear a number of times. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“I—“ She squeaks out.

Shido doesn’t let her finish, “I’m talking to _my_ son. I’ll deal with you later.”

“Shido-san, is momma—“

He scoffs, “Shido-san?” Having their son use those honorifics _and_ his family name? Mitsuyo truly has nerve. It may have been cute once upon a time, but Shido no longer intends to indulge her childish fantasies of rebellion. “She really has turned you against me, hasn’t she?”

“Are you kidding?!” Mitsuyo yelps, regaining some of her nerve, “You’re no father to him!”

“Shut up, woman!” He growls and she shrinks back down. He turns his attention to Goro with a practiced smile, “Where’s Emina, son?”

Goro scratches his arm, eyes darting around, “Momma sends Emina-chan home early sometimes…”

He nods encouragingly, “Why is that?”

Goro bites his lip, looking from Mitsuyo to Shido, before staring at the ground. “Momma says she’s a rat.”

“Did she now?” He throws a look over his shoulder and her heart sinks further. She’s done this to herself, put the final nail in her own coffin. Shido’s done with her.

Worse yet, maybe even done with Goro once Shido stops playing nice.

Goro wipes at his eyes, trying not to cry when he sees how upset she is. “I’m sorry, momma…”

“Don’t apologize to that vile woman,” Shido scolds, kissing Goro’s forehead, the choker loosening considerably. Goro nods with a pathetic whimper, rubbing his red raw skin as he breathes completely freely at last. “Your honesty is appreciated, son.”

“Thank you, papa…” Goro mumbles, folding his hands in his lap and staring down at them.

Shido ruffles his hair, before turning a stern look to his mother. “Go upstairs. We’ll talk in a moment.”

Mitsuyo squeaks and nods, scrambling to their bedroom.

Goro never sees her again after that night, but Shido makes sure he never thinks more of it.

 


	3. The Birth of the Second Advent of the Detective Prince

By the time Goro Shido is fourteen he knows how to charm others with a flick of the wrist. A pretty smile here or there, a few compliments, a little research. It doesn’t take much to have people eating from the palm of his hands like the pigs they are. He is loved by all those who know him through his father, adored and admired for his intellect and mature behavior. He shows promise to impact the world one day, he will impact millions just like his father will one day.

Masayoshi has taught him everything he knows about how to gain favor with the public while lending a hand with campaigns on top of learning the inner workings of the Japanese government. Shido may hope to steer him down the path of politics one day, to assume control of a puppet of a young and brilliant man. So, Goro learns all his father has to offer him in addition to the studies his private tutors provide him with. 

In return for learning so well, Masayoshi helps Goro make a name for himself as a detective by cashing in a few favors. He doesn’t quite understand his son’s longing, but it’s good for him to have neutral eyes and ears on the force, rather than someone who can be bought out from under him. And it will do Goro well if he ever gets the chance to run for an office in the future. To become one of the smartest detectives working with the prosecutor’s office at merely fourteen… Yes, it suited Shido well in every possible way, especially as he was aiming to become Minister of Education.

Between his private tutors and detective work, Goro is busy, but he manages well enough. He makes his father proud as often as he can and in turn, the necklace gives him just enough breathing room to survive. Things work out well. 

Goro has even learned to tune out the voice, he named it in his younger years. Well, helped it pick a name. It was sort of like naming a toy he cared dearly for, except the toy talked back and ultimately picked its own name. “ _ If my name is Saki, _ ” She’d said, “ _ I’d like it if you call me like a girl. Calling me ‘it’ feels so... impersonal, Goro-tan. _ ” So, he did. Saki thinks and feels just as much as he does. In a way, she’s like a friend. A friend that may very well kill him someday, but a friend nonetheless.

“Friends” outside of her never stick, his “relationships” never last. The only stable thing he has in his life at the moment is Emina, who serves as a personal assistant now that he’s too old for a nanny. She helps him balance his life so he doesn’t work himself to death. He thinks she’s the only person who has ever truly loved him in any sense of the word. 

But it’s still not enough.

Neither is the fascination of the public when news of a fourteen year-old detective breaks out. They love hearing  _ about  _ him, but they don’t love  _ him _ . Don’t adore  _ him _ . Don’t want  _ him _ . Not in the way he needs. So, he constructs a solid persona for himself under the name Goro Akechi, despite the look of disgust his father had given him at the mere prospect of using  _ that _ name . 

It doesn’t do much to help. 

“ _ More, more, more _ ,” Saki whines constantly despite every effort he makes to be loved and adored. Though, with each fascinated co-worker, each starstruck kid that wants to know him more personally, she calms just a bit. Gives him a day of peace where he almost feels normal. It won’t be enough to last him a lifetime, but it’s a temporary solution until she adjusts to light pleasantries.

He makes as many appearances as he can supporting Shido’s various campaigns to worm his way into better and better positions within Tokyo. Goro isn’t quite sure Shido deserves to become a high ranking government official, but it keeps his father happy with him to remain involved in politics.

“In two years, I’ll begin campaigning for Prime Minister,” Shido says while they sit in his office, drinking coffee when Goro is fifteen, “You’ll support me, son, won’t you?”

Without hesitation, Goro replies, “Until my dying breath, father.”

He’s met with a proud smile, the kind that reminds Goro that his father truly does love him, “That’s the dedication I like to hear.”

“I owe you my life, not only did you save me from mother,” Goro stares down at his folded hands, resisting the urge to touch his throat, “but it’s also your continued research that will save me from my early grave.”

Shido places a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, “You remember well, child.”

“Of course,” He takes a shaky breath, “It’s thanks to my good-for-nothing mother that I’m like this at all.” There’s something that has always felt entirely wrong about saying that, insulting his mother so easily. It can’t be true and yet… why else would Shido have taken him in? Under most circumstances, he would have ended up in his mother’s care. Shido  _ fought _ for him. He’s  _ still _ fighting for him. He has  _ no _ right to dare question Shido concerning things he was far too young to remember.

So he doesn’t, but still he wishes he had more childhood memories to set the record straight himself. Emina smiles at him when he gets lost in his own head, focused on a mother that hated him. She wraps him in her arms and together they stay, pretending that Goro can see something maternal in her. She’s just his PA, nothing more. Besides, she never answers his most pressing questions about his mother, only casts her eyes down and tells him not to worry. 

It doesn’t work, his curiosity only grows. 

But with Saki in his life, he has bigger fish to fry. Besides, Shido gave him the chance to begin his dream job. He shouldn’t question a life this good, so, he doesn’t. He stops, commits himself full time to his studies and work. By the time he’s sixteen, he’s done with high school and college isn’t something he blinks an eye at with his position as a detective. They talk to the SIU Director, his supervisor, and he assures them Goro’s faithful service is more than enough to merit his stay.

Aside from Saki’s nagging, life is  _ perfect. _


	4. A Ripple in the Pond

Goro is eighteen when the Phantom Thieves appear and the number of interviews he takes increases almost tenfold, reporters desperate to get their hands on the prime candidate for lead detective. Considering that his first major cases were exploring the mental shutdowns, he was the best choice. He can’t explain his process clearly to the public, with cognitive psience being kept in the dark, but he does manage to prove time and time again that they’re murders. That the death certificates don’t match up with the deaths. That something is wrong. Shido sings him praises with every step further he makes it into the good graces of the police. Every time is a breath of fresh air, one step closer to losing the damned collar, he hopes.

Emina squeezes his shoulder and tells him she prays he’s right when he tells her that. Saki still whimpers and whines constantly, she’s grown used to the amount of adoration he frequently receives, growing hungrier by the day. Praises from his superiors barely impacts how tight she is where it used to give him plenty of breathing room. Harder and harder to satisfy, he prays his father’s research is coming along.

Saki is going to kill him one of these days.

She tells him this sometimes, reminds him that he cannot escape her. Thankfully with television interview offers flying in, he shouldn’t have to worry. Having fans always fills that new void. With the Phantom Thieves as such a hot topic, he shouldn’t have to worry about Saki for the next few months. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t care for his fans. What matters is that they’re there and they love him. He’ll do anything to keep them there, exactly like that, throwing themselves pathetically at his feet, ready to lick the dirt from his shoe.

It’s why he books himself as many interviews as possible, poised to answer anything with a charming smile and polite carefully crafted words. None of them feel particularly special, he merely goes through the motions so he can survive. But one in particular, after his nineteenth birthday, leaves a lasting mark on his life, even if he never saw it coming.

Arriving at the studio is a blur, like always. They touch up his makeup and have him wait his turn backstage, before leading him out to the couch during a commercial break. These things always feel like a whirl, removed from his normal sense of living (Emina tells him it’s not odd to disassociate, he’s probably a little nervous). So, he sits on the couch with folded hands, a sweet smile, and perfect posture, waiting for it to start.

The female host, Aiko, he thinks, is the one to introduce him to the audience. Despite being on this particular show twice now, he still isn’t _entirely_ sure what her name is. Celebrities have never meant much to him, they probably should now that he’s become a household name. “And now onto the ‘Hottest Meet-and-Greet’ segment of our show… After his last appearance was so well-received, we decided to bring back this fine gentleman today. It’s the second advent of the detective prince, Goro Akechi!”

Goro glances at her, before turning his saccharine gaze to the audience and camera. “Hello there. It’s an absolute pleasure to be back once again, Aiko-san.” There’s no correction or awkward laugh, so, he’s nailed it. Perfect, he can’t afford to make an ass of himself.

“Thank you for taking the time to join us today, Akechi-kun.” The man next to him says with a happy lilt and a genuine smile that makes Akechi want to vomit. The idea that this man is genuine disgusts him, but Saki is gleeful that he’s adored and in the spotlight, affording him the bare minimum of comfort.

Oh, wait, fuck. What’s the other host’s name. His brows furrow for a split second as he tries to remember, but immediately regains his polite composure. “Please, there’s no need to thank me, Kida-san!” Goro dismisses with a small wave of the hand, promptly folding them and setting them back in his lap.

“Your popularity is quite stunning,” Kida continues, leaning in. His eyes twinkle with implications Goro is sure he has to be ready to bat down.

“Even I’ve found it to be quite a surprise,” He averts his eyes, playing coy and tucking hair back behind his ear, “It is a bit embarrassing though…”

“Ah!” Aiko seems to light up, “There have been some rumors about your dating life. Do you mind if we address them?” Right, that _has_ been a hot topic as of late. He’s pretty and young, it’s no surprise he’s taken several partners.

All of them were petty facetious, stuck up brats that he disposed of the moment they weren’t enough. There’s little time to waste with those who don’t suit his purpose. That was the first lesson his father taught him, people, outside of their family of two, are tools to be used.

“Oh, I don’t see why not.” Goro’s eyes flick past the cameras, out to the audience, “It is what my fans want to hear… Why not dispel the rumors?” Some of the teen girls seem especially excited by the talk of his love life, chattering quietly. It’s annoying, but maybe today will get him some new dates if he plays his cards right.

Saki’s been tighter than usual, but he’s breathing, at least. His past lovers have done little for her, she needs the love and satisfaction more than he does. He doesn't care, such things feel beneath him, so, it’s been a pain in the ass.

But that’s all Saki has ever been.

“So, you know what’s floating around then?” Kida asks with a small hum.

“What kind of detective would I be if I didn’t?” Goro jokes, laughing softly, “They’re not exactly hidden.” Both hosts laugh and Goro can’t quite tell if it’s forced, part of him hopes it’s not.

Aiko rubs one of her hands over the other idly, smiling slyly, “Addressing the rumors… your lovers say that you’re quite hard to satisfy.” Goro flushes, biting his lip in an attempt to look embarrassed.

He’s a brilliant actor, he supposes, because Kida puts an encouraging hand on his shoulder with soft eyes as he asks, “Are you okay, son?”

“Ah…” Goro ducks his head, covering his mouth with a gloved hand, “I’m sorry for being so caught off-guard… even knowing the rumors, it’s still…”

“No, no, Akechi-kun!” Kida exclaims, drawing his hand back and waving it in dismissal, “Take your time, it must be quite hard. You’ve tried so hard to keep your work and private life separate.”

Goro nods, “Thank you, Kida-san…” He clears his throat, lowering his hand to show still flushed cheeks, “I think I can address them now.”

“Please do!” Aiko urges, “I’m sure the audience is dying to hear your side of things.” There are a few cheers of agreement and Goro makes sure to feign another shy gaze towards the floor.

“I believe that they aren’t wrong… At least from their own points of view,” Goro rubs at the side of his neck, “I don’t think that I’m that needy or hard to please…” He put on a practiced pout, one that truly met the eyes (because maybe it does hurt that he chases people away), “Is it really so needy to want to be loved for something other than my name? I’m just as much a person as anyone else.”

“Akechi-kun…” Aiko murmurs, leaning across Kida to grab one of Goro’s gloved hands with a gentle squeeze. Was she looking at him with pity? Empathy? It doesn’t matter, he supposes. But it makes warmth rise in his chest, even so.

Kida wastes no time trying to encourage him, “There’s someone out there for you! I’m sure the audience agrees.” There’s a cheer of agreement from the crowd and Goro flushes again, meekly looking down. Saki likes the attention, the screams from a teen or two begging him for a date.

“Moving along from that subject,” Akio says, “we’ve been told there’s a case on your mind right now. Care to share, detective?”

“Ah, yes!” Goro perks up, looking more enthusiastic to talk about work, “That would be the scandal involving the master artist Madarame.” There were a few details he could share on the case, he might as well indulge them. Keep the public demanding to see him in the spotlight.

“There it is!” Kida cheers, beaming again, “All this phantom thief excitement has caught your attention too, Akechi-kun!” Goro gives a small nod and approving hum.

Aiko’s fingers tap on her leg for a moment, “Allow me to be blunt for just a second. What do you think of these justice-oriented Phantom Thieves?”

Goro tilts his head down with two fingers pressed to his lips, as if in thought, “If they truly are heroes of justice, I sincerely hope they exist.”

“ _Ohhh_ ,” Aiko practically purrs, “so you don’t deny the possibility that they’re real?”

“I may not seem like it, but sometimes wish that Santa Claus actually existed,” He admits, with a soft smile. There were some childish thoughts he simply couldn’t bring himself to abandon. Maybe because his childhood wasn’t quite orthodox. “Although if he did, I’d have to arrest him for breaking and entering,” Goro chuckles a bit at his own joke, before regaining his serious composure, “But hypothetically speaking, if these phantom thieves are real… I believe they should be tried in a court of law.”

“That’s quite the statement. Are they committing crimes?” Kida asks, almost dumbstruck, “Some people say that the Thieves are actually helping their victims abandon their evil ways.”

“What the artist Madarame did truly was an unforgivable crime,” Goro replies seamlessly, eyes closed and brows furrowed, “However, they’re taking the law into their own hands by judging him. It is far from justice. More importantly, you should never forcefully change a person’s heart.”

“You have a point,” Kida says thoughtfully, “These people are calling themselves the _Phantom Thieves_ , after all.”

“Amazing as always, Akechi-kun!” Aiko says with a pleasant laugh, “I could listen to you for days! You have the most _radiant_ charisma!”

“I have to say though, I would be pretty embarrassed if it turns out these Phantom Thieves don’t exist now that I’ve spoken out like this.” Goro admits, glancing down at his folded hands with a hint of a smile, “I hope it won’t be held against me.”

Aiko springs onto a different topic quickly, they know there’s only so much that Goro can reveal, “Now then, let’s try asking some students the same age as Akechi-kun about the Phantom Thieves! First, please press your button if you think the Phantom Thieves exist!”

“About thirty percent or so? What are your thoughts Akechi-kun?” Kida says, unable to keep surprise from his voice yet again. Goro supposes being open is Kida’s thing.

Then again, Goro can relate on this particular matter, unable to hide his wide eyes or agape mouth, “I’m… a bit surprised myself. That’s higher than I was expecting. I’d love to hear some more detailed opinions on the Phantom Thieves’ actions.”

Wordlessly, Aiko stands from her spot on the couch, eyes surveying the crowd for the student that could provide a decent answer. She settles on the kid in the second row with unruly hair near two blondes. He looks especially surprised to have been picked out of all of his peers and oddly enough, so do the blondes in question. Goro tries not to think too hard on that, they’re probably just excited to be on TV.

“Alright,” Aiko starts, “let’s try asking this student here. Hypothetically speaking, what are your thoughts on these Phantom Thieves, if they were real?”

Akira takes a moment, before giving a cheeky grin, “They do more than the cops.”

Akechi laughs uncomfortably while Kida grows pensive, “This completely goes against the opinion you had about them being tried by law, Akechi-kun.”

Akechi closes one of his eyes, looking thoughtful as he presses a finger to his lip, “Indeed… It’s rather intriguing to hear such a strong acknowledgement.” He leans forward a bit in his chair, crossing his legs as he stares into those pretty gray eyes, “In that case, there’s one more question I’d like to ask… If someone close to you, for example your friend sitting next to you… If his heart suddenly changed… wouldn’t you think it was the work of the Phantom Thieves?”

The smile falls and Akechi is left with another short yet blunt answer, “They only target criminals.”

“I see,” Goro can’t keep his brows from creasing, as he returns to his perfect posture, “But how can you be so sure?” There are so many things they just don’t know and only two known targets hit. “Whether the Thieves’ actions are good or not, I feel there is a more important issue at hand...” He’s speaking more to himself, hands clenched together tightly.

Aiko returns from the crowd and takes her seat back while Kida looks for something to say. “Hm? What do you mean?”

“The matter of how they change people’s hearts.” Goro’s expression becomes more solemn as he loses himself within his own thoughts. As he does so, he drops his persona a hair, crossing his legs and one of his arms and brings the other hand up to grip his chin as he stares down at the floor. “If they honestly possess that ability… it could be used for more than extracting confessions. It could be what seem to be ordinary crimes are actually being perpetrated by these methods…”

“You know,” Kida mutters, going rigid, “you’re absolutely right.”

“Oh, please, don’t misunderstand.” Truly remembering where he is, Goro’s gaze shoots up from the ground with a small smile, gripping at the knot of his tie, “This is all purely hypothetical… It is only if people who can use such a power truly exist. Either way though, this cannot be ignored. The existence of the Phantom Thieves would be nothing but a threat to our everyday lives.” Fully regaining his composure, he straightens up, uncrosses his legs, and lets his hands drop to his lap. “To be honest, I’m already working alongside the police to help sort out this matter.”

They ask a few more questions, all of which he skillfully dodges because they’re about the official investigation. He lets little details slip, ones that don’t quite matter and public information that didn’t receive much focus. They finish up his interview soon after and end the show, pouting just a bit at not getting anything more exclusive outside of his dating life. Goro has never been more relieved for a show to run out of time for him.

Most of the students are filing out, leaving Goro to his own devices as he pulls out his phone to text Emina. She wasn’t in the crowd during his show and she hadn’t appeared yet to whisk him off to work or back home… How odd.

Saki is as annoyingly tight as always, but he supposes it’s dealable today, it’s a discomfort he’s quite used to. And the show did help, having others marvel at his wit and intellect always at least loosened the choker a hair.

As Goro finally puts his phone away to go out front he notices that boy from before standing alone. His stomach drops a bit and he’s unsure if it’s out of nervousness or discomfort, but it isn’t a feeling he’s familiar with. But what matters is this guy is watching him stare with a dropped jaw and wide eyes. Fuck. “Oh, it’s you…!” Goro calls at last, taking long strides forward with a pleased smile, “I’m glad I found you. I wanted to thank you in person.”

Akira furrows his brows, seemingly blanking on what he’d done, “Hm?”

Without acknowledging him, Goro continues, “To paraphrase Hegel, advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis…”

He’s met with a blank gaze and several confused blinks before Akira finally speaks, “What?”

Goro laughs, it’s a bit more forced than he’d like, “My apologies.” He smiles warmly, closing his eyes, “What I meant is that our discussion was quite meaningful. Few people around me are willing to speak their minds as freely as you did earlier.” There's something almost malicious underneath Goro’s sweet smile, not directed at anyone in particular. It’s not obvious, but Akira has always had an unnatural ability for reading others, “Adults are only interested in using the young, while they simply do as the adults say.” He steps back and crosses his arms, hand resting on the knot of his tie again, eyes opening with clarity, “I feel like our discussions could prove fruitful. Would you mind talking with me again?”

He’s met by more empty blinking after his rambling, leaving him fearful he went on too long. He supposes there’s a reason he tries not to let his true self leak through his mask. This always happens when he doesn’t catch himself. He’s meant to look pretty, little else. But he does eventually get an answer. Maybe he just needed time to process Goro’s lengthy speech. “Fine by me.”

Goro sighs softly, letting his arms drop back to his sides, “Thank you. It makes me truly glad to hear that. The students from Shujin are truly quite interesting. I look forward to seeing you again. Well then...” Goro turns on his heel to leave, not wanting to overstay his welcome or make Akira think even less of him.

A hand on his shoulder stops him and he looks over it quizzically. “You like movies?” Akira asks.

Goro supposes it’s only fair that he’s the one confused now after his long pointless babble. “Huh…?”

Akira rubs the back of his neck, eyes flickering down. Goro wonders if he’s acting on impulse alone. “If you’re ever free, maybe we could see one together.”

“Are you…” Goro flushes, coughing into a gloved hand, “asking me on a date…?”

He shrugs, “Only if you want it to be one.”

“I don’t even know your name,” Goro protests weakly.

“Akira Kurusu.”

“Well that settles one issue,” Goro replies with a laugh. He grabs a notebook and pencil from his pocket and flips through, Akira can see case notes scrawled hastily page after page. Goro halts suddenly and rips out a blank page. “Call me sometime. Or text me.... Ah. Whatever works for you.”

“Gotcha,” Akira nods, leaning in to kiss Goro’s cheek. He flushes nearly falling back at the forwardness Akira displayed. “Are you _sure_ you’ve had other lovers?” He teases, “I’ll talk to you later.”

Goro can’t help but stare as Akira rejoins his friends, eyes only drawn away by the buzz of his phone.

Emina.

Finally.

With a sigh, he walks to the back exit of the building, watching as she bursts from the car with her head hung. “Sorry, Goro-chan!” She squeaks, slightly out of breath. She looks more tired than when they parted ways and he wonders just what she got herself into.

“Don’t worry, everything still went well,” He walks past her, into the car, and crosses his legs after buckling his seatbelt, “What kept you?”

“Ah,” She looks down, refusing to meet his eyes, “Shido-san’s PA called out today and he wanted me to grab something while we were in this part of town.”

“I see,” he closes his eyes tightly, “Please, Emina, warn me in the future when you run off, even if it is for father. I was worried.”

“I will.” She says softly, pushing the dark brown hair that fell from her ponytail back behind her ears as she gets into the car. Goro sighs, resting his head on Emina’s shoulder and she threads her fingers through his hair.

Like this, he feels safe. No one else gives him this security, has this long term power over Saki’s tight grip. He breathes slowly, savoring his unhindered breathing. He almost forgets the boy with the pretty gray eyes and smooth voice.

Though, he doesn’t stay out of mind for long. That night when Goro lies in bed, his phone lights up. He rolls onto his side, expecting it to be for work. Another mental shutdown, another calling card, another day drowning in detective work.

_6/10_

> **Unknown:** It’s Akira  
>  Akira Kurusu, from the studio  
> Call me Akira, though

He adds Akira to his contacts with a hint of a smile.

> **Goro:** I didn’t think I’d be hearing from you.
> 
> **Akira:**  Do you think so little of me?  
>  I’m hurt, I’ll cry  
> You owe me a date, remember?
> 
> **Goro:** Do I now?
> 
> **Akira:** Yeah  
>  You called it a date first  
> So, tell me when you’re free
> 
> **Goro:**  I’m afraid I won’t have an opening anytime soon. I wouldn’t want to make you wait.
> 
> **Akira:**  I can wait  
>  Tell me the next time you’re free  
> I’ll try to keep my schedule loose
> 
> **Goro:** Very well.  
> Unfortunately, I can’t chat much longer, I have to go to the office tomorrow morning.
> 
> **Akira:** Sleep well, sweet prince.

Goro rolls his eyes with a small smile.

> **Goro:** Goodnight.

_6/11_

> **Akira:** Morning, Sleeping Beauty~
> 
> **Goro:** Good morning, Kurusu-kun.
> 
> **Akira:** How cold, Akechi-senpai.
> 
> **Goro:** Hm?
> 
> **Akira:** I asked you to call me Akira  
> And yet, you scorn me so  
> How can I go on?
> 
> **Goro:** You’ll just have to try, Kurusu-kun.
> 
> **Akira:** The only way to save me is  
> ......  
> ......
> 
> **Goro:** I’ll indulge you, how can you be saved?
> 
> **Akira:** Thank u  
> U can save me by going on a date with me
> 
> **Goro:** I can squeeze you in today, I suppose.  
> Fifteen minutes should suffice, right?  
> We could meet at Early Rise, grab a coffee, my treat?
> 
> **Akira:** Hell no!  
> I want a date  
> Not your pity coffee
> 
> **Goro:** Pity coffee?
> 
> **Akira:** Fifteen minutes of your time isn’t a date  
>  We can get coffee  
> But you have to be willing to stay and chat
> 
> **Goro:** That’ll take longer, then.
> 
> **Akira:** I can wait

_6/12_

> **Akira:** Good evening, sweet prince

Goro almost chokes reading it, his Shido raises an eyebrow at him from across the dinner table, but doesn’t push. Thankfully, his father never pries too deeply into his social life. Though, that’s likely because there’s not much to pry into in the first place.

> **Goro:** Good evening, villain
> 
> **Akira:** Such cruelty  
>  I’m innocent  
> But if I have to be a villain  
> I want to be a thief
> 
> **Goro:** What? Why?
> 
> **Akira:** Because I hope I’ll be found guilty of stealing your heart <3

Goro splutters, carding a hand heavily through his hair. He’s awfully forward, despite the fact that they haven’t even gone on a date yet. He excuses himself from the dinner table on that note, before his father dares ask about the flush to his cheeks.

> **Goro:** Quite forward of you to say. I’ve been hunting thieves, you know? You can’t escape me.
> 
> **Akira:** I wouldn’t dream of it  
>  So, have you cleared time for me yet?
> 
> **Goro:** I’m working on it.
> 
> **Akira:** Really?
> 
> **Goro:** Cross my heart.
> 
> **Akira:** And hope to die?
> 
> **Goro:** That’s implied.
> 
> **Akira** : It better be
> 
> **Goro:** It is.
> 
> **Akira:** Good, I’m looking forward to it
> 
> **Goro:** My death?
> 
> **Akira:** If it comes to it  
>  But I meant the date
> 
> **Goro:** How reassuring.

_6/13_

> **Akira:** Rise and shine, Goro
> 
> **Goro:** You’re a bit late, I’ve been up for a better part of the last three hours
> 
> **Akira:** Seriously?  
>  Since 3?  
> When did you go to bed?
> 
> **Goro:** 11?
> 
> **Akira:** Go back to sleep
> 
> **Goro:** At the office? Not likely.
> 
> **Akira:** Why are you there right now???
> 
> **Goro:** I’m behind on my work, I think I may have a potential breakthrough.
> 
> **Akira:** Oh?  
>  You do?  
> Which case?
> 
> **Goro:** The mental shutdown cases, it’s been my priority. Heading the Phantom Thieves case is incredibly important, but the shutdowns  
>  have been plaguing Japan far longer according to our current evidence.  
>  That we know of, at least.
> 
> **Akira:** Really?
> 
> **Goro:** I’ll tell you no more than what’s public knowledge, so, please, probe no further. Save us both the stress.
> 
> **Akira:** Really?
> 
> **Goro:** Really. I can’t let a civilian know confidential knowledge.
> 
> **Akira:** Aw, that’s no fun :(
> 
> **Goro:** It’s called wanting to keep my job   
>  Which I have to do, I’ll talk to you later
> 
> **Akira:** Like I said, no fun   
>  Aren’t you like 17?   
>  You’ll have to give me my answer when you’re free, mister   
>  No free passes
> 
> **Goro:** I wouldn’t dream of it, Akira  
>  I’m nineteen, actually.    
> I hope that answer was worth the wait.
> 
> **Akira:** So, you’re a college boy?
> 
> **Goro:** That’s incorrect, actually.  
>  I don’t attend classes, I was employed despite my lack of credentials on account of my intelligence and a rigorous education.
> 
> **Akira:** You’ve been doing this for two or three years, right?
> 
> **Goro:**  I suppose, I can’t remember exactly when I started. It’s begun to blur together.   
>  I’ve been working the same two or three cases most of my career.
> 
> **Akira:** Isn’t that exhausting?
> 
> **Goro:** That doesn’t begin to describe the feeling.
> 
> **Akira:** Geez  
>  Then, why do it?
> 
> **Goro:** I liked the idea of becoming a detective when I was little.   
>  I still do, it’s just… Suffocating to know I can’t do anything else. This is my life, so many strings were pulled to make this happen, I can’t quit, that wouldn’t look good for the men who pulled the strings for me in the first place. Besides, there's too much politics involved to just quit.
> 
> **Akira:** You’ve tried?
> 
> **Goro:** I’ve asked.
> 
> **Akira:** Asked?
> 
> **Goro:** My father, politics have always come naturally to him. I owe him for such an amazing opportunity.
> 
> **Akira:** Do you?   
>  He’s your dad, he’s supposed to help you.   
> My dads would never make me feel like I owed them if they did something nice for me.
> 
> **Goro:** Oh. Huh.
> 
> **Akira:** What?
> 
> **Goro:** That’s interesting.  Father wouldn’t want me to call him “dad”.   
>  You have two? Do you miss them?   
>  **  
> Akira:** I do, they moved to Osaka so they could adopt me together   
>  They got married in America, my aunts and uncles went with them
> 
> **Goro:** You have a big family, then?
> 
> **Akira:** They’re family friends, for the most part.   
>  Dad has a brother   
>  Papa doesn’t have other family, I think.   
>  He made a few close friends in high school, they were in a band together.
> 
> **Goro:** What do they do?
> 
> **Akira:** Dad’s a cop, papa runs a flower shop.

_6/14_

> **Goro:** That sounds like a quaint lifestyle.
> 
> **Akira:** Not quite   
>  I still lived in the city, it just wasn’t Tokyo
> 
> **Goro:** I see.
> 
> **Akira:** Shit, it’s getting late
> 
> **Goro:** It’s only 12, isn’t it?   
>  Ah, wait, but you have school, right? I shouldn’t keep you.
> 
> **Akira:** When do you usually go to sleep?
> 
> **Goro:** Between one and three, on a bad day. Between ten and twelve on a good day.
> 
> **Akira:** When do you wake up?
> 
> **Goro:** Between six and seven.
> 
> **Akira:** You said you were up at three today
> 
> **Goro:** I couldn’t stay asleep, so, I stopped trying.
> 
> **Akira:** That can’t be remotely healthy
> 
> **Goro:** Health isn’t my number one priority.
> 
> **Akira:** It doesn’t have to be   
>  It just sounds like it doesn’t matter at all to you   
> Which is pretty bad
> 
> **Goro:** I’ll be fine, you worry too much.
> 
> **Akira:** Nah  
>  I worry just enough  
>  Besides, we’re friends by now  
>  I told you about my family  
>  I don’t tell just anyone my sordid past
> 
> **Goro:** Ah, yes, flower shops, very sleazy.
> 
> **Akira:** Of course
> 
> **Goro:** I’ll go to bed soon, don’t worry so much.
> 
> **Akira:** Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
> 
> **Goro:** Of course.

_6/15_

> **Akira:** Can we set a date yet?
> 
> **Goro:** Not today, soon though, I promise.
> 
> **Akira:** Suspicious.
> 
> **Goro:** I promise. That’s the best I can do right now.
> 
> **Akira:** Fiiiiiiine.  
>  You owe me a phone call then.  
>   
>  **Goro:** I can give you a ring in twenty? 
> 
> **Akira:** You better

_6/16_

> **Akira:** You stay up late, so, call me.   
> Whisper sweet nothings to me in the dead of night
> 
> **Goro:** Very well


	5. First Date

Goro is surprised that Akira is determined to go through with the movie date, he pokes and prods at him to get a set date earnestly. They text daily while Goro looks for openings in his schedule to fit him in, between interviews and work, he’s _drowning_ in obligations. Akira isn’t exactly a priority while he’s floundering about trying to just live his life. Still, it’s a little surprising (and maybe even exciting) to have someone care so much about going on a proper date, which means he has to clear out more than fifteen minutes for a quick coffee. A dinner and a movie means caving out at least three straight hours to spend with Akira in the span of a _single_ day. Three hours that he doesn’t usually have to begin with.

But Akira’s insistence on getting a chance is enough to keep Goro interested, he makes an effort to keep his weekend more open. He’s surprised Akira hasn’t accused him of brushing him off by now, considering it’s been almost a month. He’s kind and understanding, opting for phone calls in place of dates. Goro indulges him, most of his other suitors would have been done with him by now. Or, at the very least, trying to add to the rumor mill after wasting their time because scandals can keep Goro away from the media for a short span of time.

_6/17_

 

> **Goro:** How does tomorrow or Sunday sound?
> 
> **Akira:** ?
> 
> **Goro:**  For the date.  
>  My father needs my help with his work, but I should be able to find time to slip away on one of those days.  
>  Provided you’re still interested.
> 
> **Akira:** I’m kind of busy tomorrow  
>  And a little busy Sunday  
>  But that should only be in the morning…  
>  So, Sunday night?
> 
> **Goro:** Sunday night works wonderfully.
> 
> **Akira:** Perfect. Movies?
> 
> **Goro:** That is what the initial plan was.

Akira is kind enough to let him pick out the movie, there’s laughter in his voice when he says, “I hope it’s a good one after all the wait.” Goro had flushed, choking on air while Akira vigorously apologized for his attempted murder. At least Akira doesn’t mind being dragged to a “chick flick”, but there’s nothing wrong with a good romance. It makes him think of what he’s always wanted, what Saki makes difficult to find because he can’t stay with one person long enough to get attached. Besides, Goro doesn’t trust himself enough around Akira for a horror flick and that’s the only other movie playing. He’s not in the right state of mind to fearfully cling to Akira’s arm, hide his face in his neck, whimper. Sure, Goro deals with gory crime scenes for a living, but it’s different in movies. It’s different setting himself up to feel fear.

“It suits you,” Akira teases when Goro asks for the tickets. He sets a hand over Goro’s when he goes for his wallet, shaking his head, “Let me pay.”

Goro clicks his tongue, “Nonsense, I can afford it.”

He shakes his head, setting the money on the counter. “I asked you on the date, let me pay.”

“Ah,” he clears his throat, “I didn’t th--”

Goro frowns as Akira cuts him off, “It _is_ a date, it’s _always_ been a date. You know it’s a date. You picked a romcom, Akechi-kun.”

“Hey, no!” He whines, smacking Akira’s shoulder lightly, “If you’ve _insisted_ I call you Akira, you _can’t_ call me Akechi-kun.”

“Akechi-senpai?” Akira asks innocently, fluttering his eyelashes.

Goro furrows his brows, flushed and struggling to keep his voice steady as he wheezes out, “ _Akira_.”

“ _Goro_ ,” Akira purrs, laughing as Goro grips the counter with weak knees.

He glares venom and Akira laughs just a bit harder. “ _You--_!”

“You’re so easy to fluster, Goro,” He hums, taking the tickets in one hand and one of Goro’s hand in the other. Goro can only stutter uselessly over his own words as Akira pulls him to the concession stand and then into the movie.

The movie is predictable, but Goro thinks that they’ve both enjoyed themselves. By the time it ends, Goro’s head is on Akira’s shoulder and he’s holding onto his hand loosely. He may have refused to makeout during the movie, but that didn’t mean he had to withdraw completely. The idea of getting handsy on the first date sets off red flags in Goro's mind. There's nothing safe about that, he prefers to avoid crossing lines. The more people that label him as a tease, the harder it becomes to dispel the rumors floating around about his love life.

Not to mention, he does find Akira fascinating, so he doesn't want to accidentally push him away. No one else has treated him like he’s just another teen and, honestly, he needs it. Akira jokes with him and laughs and makes him feel like he just might be real.

And, god, he needs to feel real.

Saki is a little looser than she was going in and they haven’t reached the dinner portion yet, he thinks it’s a good sign. Goro’s nervous to have to talk to him one on one, afraid of rambling and scaring Akira off, it’s usually where dates go awry. He had already made Akira uncomfortable and confused when they met, they don't need to go through that again.

They get proper sushi because, once again, it’s what Goro wants. Because apparently tonight is meant to be about him. Hearing that almost makes him lose his composure. Akira laughs when they sit down, noticing the desperate needy look in his eyes and Goro smacks his arm again. “C’mon,” Akira complains, rubbing his arm, “it’s cute,” he shakes his head, “I take it back _you’re_ cute.”

Goro huffs, looking away with a hint of a smile, “Preposterous. I almost regret coming out with you.”

Akira grins, “Almost, huh?”

He groans loudly, “You’re lucky that it’s endearing how much of an ass you are, Akira.”

“Aww,” Akira’s lip quivers, “That’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to me all night.”

“Unbelievable..” He mutters, rubbing the back of his neck.

Akira smiles, leaning his arms on the table, “Want to do this again?”

Goro takes a moment, pretending to think it over as Akira raises a piece of sushi to his mouth, “Absolutely.”

Akira almost chokes, swallowing hard before coughing into his napkin. “Really?”

Goro grins, finally victorious in embarrassing Akira. “Really.”

He cards his fingers through his hair, “I seriously thought you weren’t enjoying yourself.”

Goro laughs, shaking his head, “This is the nicest date I’ve ever been on.”

“Geez,” Akira says, leaning back in his chair with a grin, “you’re not setting the bar too high.”

“The _company_ was the good part,” Goro clarifies, rolling his eyes.

Akira flushes, “Really?”

“Really,” He replies, eyes darting down, “You treat me like I’m a person.”

Akira furrows his brows, reaching across the table to take Goro’s hand, “You _are_ a person.”

There’s a distant look in Goro’s eyes, almost wistful as he stares at their hands, “I suppose.”

Akira mumbles, reaching out to touch his hand, “Goro…”

“Ah, sorry,” he looks away with flushed cheeks,” I’d rather not make you uncomfortable, you’re just… very easy to open up to.”

“We just met, but you can tell me things," Akira says softly, squeezing his hand gently, "I can’t fix them, but I can listen.”

“.... Thank you," Goro flushes a bit darker.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Akira probes.

“It's just... My life is quite different from most, though I'm sure you've gathered that..." Keeping it vague would be for the best. There are so many factors in Goro's life not worth explaining due to their complexity. And the fact that Saki in and of herself was simply inexplicable. Akira would never believe him.

Akira bites his lip as he watches Goro start to lose himself inside his own head. He makes the leap to dig Goro out of the hole he's digging, “So, you like romcoms, then?”

“I do.”

“That's really cute,” Akira says, leaning forward to brush hair from Goro’s face. He really is unfairly pretty, but what else is new? Goro catches Akira’s hand with his own, holding it there for a moment longer as he closed his eyes.

This is nice.

Really nice.

Goro could get used to this.


	6. Sleeping Beauty

Goro clears room for Akira the very next week, eager to shift his schedule around for a little more time with him. Even if it could only be a fifteen minute coffee date once or twice a week, followed by a real date over the weekend, he’d make it work. Goro’s surprised that he’s gotten so… smitten with Akira so quickly. 

Maybe it’s because Saki is quieter when they’re together.

Because Akira makes him feel real.

Human.

Like he's wanted for more than his stage presence.

Maybe, one day, he’ll even feel truly loved.

He almost wants to find out what it feels like, but it doesn’t quite suit him and Saki to settle down. “ _One person will never be enough,_ ” Saki reminds him with a giggle, “ _Or maybe you’ve never been loved_.” Goro hates the constant reminders of how weak he is, but he thinks he’d rather pretend to be normal with Akira, even if it’s just for a few weeks. At least until Akira proves to be just as filthy and superficial as everyone else.

Akira plans the date entirely on his own this time and Goro prefers it this way, he thinks planning would be pushed to the back of his mind with all the commotion at the station.

He has Emina send him his schedule so he can hand it off to Akira and let him properly plan. She frowns, poking and prodding for information, despite constantly being turned down. At times, Goro thinks she forgets she’s not actually his mother. She’s lucky Shido let her stay around as long as he has. Goro knows he’s lucky too, she’s there for him when he needs her. She gives him the love and affection he needs, despite the fact that Goro could care less about her at any other given time. It’s only when he needs her that she matters.

" _That’s right, the people that feed us are irrelevant,_ ” Saki coos, “ _Once they stop doing their job, they go to the trash where they belong! Humans are such disgusting creatures, aside from_ **_you_** _, of course, Goro-tan._ ”

She’s right, but he still doesn’t like hearing it. Humans are disgusting, it’s why she’s still clamped tightly around his neck after fourteen years. Selfish unloving creatures that have continuously bound him to her.

Even so, he thinks Akira is different. At least, he has to be by a little bit. Why else does his chest flutter when they text? Or when he hears his voice? This is different. Special, almost. Akira is classier than most of his past partners have been. It’s different than dating, no _teasing,_ to keep others around.

When they meet up again, it’s at a beach, though Akira hadn’t told him to pack a swimsuit. Instead, he stands by awkwardly in his short sleeved dress shirt and slacks as Akira sets down a blanket for them to sit on. “I would have gladly gone swimming if you told me we were coming here, you know.”

“Hm?” Akira glances up from straightening the blanket, his shoes keeping two of the corners in place, “It’s still pretty cold.”

“Don’t be a big baby,” Goro says matter-of-factly, sitting down on the blanket, “I used to surf when I was a bit younger, so, it can’t be _that_ cold in comparison to those January nights.”

He snorts, “I’m afraid that we can’t all be Goro Akechi: Ace Detective; Surfer Extraordinaire. I don’t want to go in, I’ll die.”

“Then perish, my dear,” Goro says with a playful smile, “I can’t say you’ll be missed.”

Akira’s jaw drops and he slides a hand over his heart, “How cruel, those words could kill a weaker man.”

Goro scoffs, “You think you’re strong?”

Akira’s other hand sweeps grandly across his forehead as he falls back onto the blanket, “I’m wounded. Dying, even.”

“Please,” Goro rolls his eyes, “‘tis merely a flesh wound, you’ll live.”

Akira shuts his eyes, unresponsive for a good moment until Goro starts to poke at his side. Akira swats his hand away, opening one of his eyes, “Excuse me, that’s not how autopsies work. I’m a corpse. I’m dead. I’m never coming back.”

“What a shame, he was so young.”

“I know,” He agrees with a forlorn sigh, “And handsome too.”

“Indeed,” Goro brushes Akira’s hair from his face gently, “Such a shame, I suppose I’ll have to find a new friend to play with.”

“Ooooooooooooor,” Akira bats his eyelashes with a small pout as he makes his suggestion, “you could bring me back.”

Goro raises his brows, “Oh?”

“You know what I mean,” He whines softly, splaying his hands out above his head.

“Do I?”

“Yep. C’mon, Goro, hit me with those cliches, my body is ready,” Akira winks at him, before shutting his eyes again as he returns to his act. Goro rolls his eyes with a fond smile, cupping Akira’s cheek and running the pad of his thumb over his lips gently as he leans down to kiss him. He’s a bit surprised when Akira actually meets him halfway, gripping the back of his neck as Goro tilts his chin up. There’s something especially thrilling about the kiss, surprisingly enthralling. It’s by no means his first kiss, he’d had that on a playground years ago, but it’s certainly the first kiss with someone he gives a shit about. The first kiss that has ever meant something.

They part blushing, Goro’s fingers pressed to his own lips as Akira composed himself quickly. Speechlessly he watches Akira set up their lunch, savoring the influx of air.

He’s scared he’s getting attached, but somehow, he doesn’t hate the idea. Maybe, just maybe, they can stay friends when Goro’s milked him for all he’s worth.


	7. Serious

 

Their next date, unfortunately, requires digging into something unpleasant. If they’re to date, there’s an elephant in the room begging to be addressed. It’s something Goro wishes could have been brought to his attention by Akira himself, but he doubts that will come to pass. Akira is selfish in keeping this information from someone who’s entire life is in the spotlight. “I’ve heard rumors,” Goro says softly, unfolding his napkin to lay it across his lap.

Akira raises his brow, “Well, there are a lot of those.”

Goro pauses, trying to find the best way to phrase it. Though, really, there’s no delicate way around it, even if Goro has no interest in applying salt to a wound. “You have a criminal record, no?”

He shrugs it off, like a record isn’t a big deal, “I do.”

“You know that this complicates things,” Goro’s tone grows more stern, “don’t you?”

Once again, he shrugs, “Does it?”

“Akira,” Goro’s voice cracks in frustration, he feels like he’s dealing with a child, “my reputation is _everything_. I can’t lose my job.”

Akira shifts, running a hand through his hair, “Are you going to stop associating with me over it?”

“I really don’t have much of a choice here!” He flushes as he raises his voice in a public space _again_. He can’t expect Akira to understand, but his father will kill him if someone from the media looks into Akira’s background and publishes it. They really can’t afford a scandal.

“Pretend you aren’t famous,” Akira says softly, reaching across the table to squeeze Goro’s gloved hands.

His brows furrow, “Excuse me?”

“Pretend you aren’t famous,” Akira repeats, “and you still managed to meet me. Would my record keep you from wanting to be with me?”

“This is all I know,” Goro argues, withdrawing his hands from Akira’s to cross his arms.

“You said I make you feel like a person,” Akira shoots back, voice growing almost desperate in his attempts to make Goro see sense.

“Maybe that’s not what I need,” He retorts with a small huff.

Akira tries not to scoff. If not for the vague knowledge he has of Goro’s upbringing, he thinks he’d be in hysterics. Everyone deserves to feel like a person, it’s a component of basic human decency. It hurts to know Goro might not have been afforded even that much. “Everyone needs it.”

“People just leave,” Goro protests, “They come into your lives, they make you feel things, they hurt you, and then they run.” Mitsuyo Akechi was the first person to teach him that. He doesn’t remember her well, but he loved her once. He loved her and she left him behind.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing to me?” Akira asks, just barely above a whisper.

Goro stares down at his lap, “The moment a reporter writes something on you, we’re done. I can’t sacrifice my job for you,” His brows crease, “My father will kill me for letting it go even that far.” And really, Shido can make his life a living hell. If he gets disowned, that research on the collar that he depends on is gone like dust on the wind.

“I understand…” Not that it makes it _any_ easier on him. He likes Goro, wants this to last even if it isn’t necessarily a smooth ride. “Thank you, Goro, but...”

“Hm?” Goro lifts his glass to his lips, prompting him to continue.

Akira wonders if Goro will believe him, if he should even bother. “I didn’t commit the assault… Everything about it was fishy...”

He raises a brow, “Fishy?”

Akira bites his lip, not sure if it’s worth telling his story. Would Goro believe it was some kind of set up? That a potential assault victim had turned on him at the word of some drunken man? It turns out that he probably does because Goro starts asking about the date, the time, and the district where everything had happened. It’s odd to see him so focused and serious when he’s become accustomed to Goro relaxing around him. This must be what he’s like at work.

From there, there’s a few quiet patches. Honestly, Goro doesn’t think it’s possible to salvage the date from there, but as usual, Akira defies expectations. They talk about little things, like favorite shows, and books, and hobbies. Yet, it feels so nice to feel Akira’s warm eyes on him as he rambles about how important the Featherman series was to him as a kid. He even manages to get to hear that endearing laugh of his while detailing sneaking around tutors and his lessons to watch a show his father would have deemed pointless. These days, Goro doesn’t have as much time for simple pleasures, but he takes what he can get. The new Featherman series and dates with Akira seem to be more than enough for now.

He feels whole, in a sense.

Wanted.

Trusted.

It’s a shame, but this is something he knows he can only have in the moment. So, he’ll savor it until he can no longer.


	8. Desperation

It’s odd having to work around Akira’s schedule as of late, but apparently he’s busy now. Which is fine, Goro knows he works at least three part time jobs and helps out around LeBlanc for free. He hasn’t been to the coffee shop yet, but Sae and Akira have both recommended it highly. He thinks about going there, but he doesn’t want to intrude on Akira's private life. He and Akira still aren’t official, it’s difficult but he doesn’t blame Akira for not wanting to be dragged into the limelight. If Goro didn’t need it, he’d likely hate it himself. But it keeps Saki at bay for now. And it’s what he needs. She’s always always whining to be fed, even on air these days. He’s afraid it won’t be enough soon. Has he already grown too used to the attention? He supposes it has been a few months, they’ve been a blur.

Akira is his stability, the brunt of what he remembers when days melt together in a messy swirl.

So, when he goes days with minimal contact, it’s no surprise Goro suffers horribly. He doesn’t think too much of it when he wakes up to Saki tight around his neck, the skin around the necklace raw. It hurts, but sometimes a bad dream will leave him feeling particularly starved for love and affection. He longs for closeness, but on a good day he can rarely get his father to do more than pat his head idly after begging for attention.

“ _Your father hates you just as much as your mother did before she left,_ ” Saki jeers. And, honestly, she’s probably right. He’s an inconvenience at this point, intruding on his father’s immense kindness and resources. He wonders if Shido would have gotten rid of him, if not for the piece of scientific mastery around his neck considering his penchant for getting in the way. As of late, he hasn’t been able to spend much time with his father, constantly brushed off and put aside. Not to mention, Emina has been distant herself, calling out without explanation and turning up late on days she does work.  

It hurts terribly, but he pushes on.

“ _You’ll die like this_ ,” Saki tells him, needlessly. He knows he’ll die. That’s fine, if no one cares for him, maybe he deserves to die.

He goes to work, as usual, pushing through paperwork and shuffling through evidence with labored breathing because the choker is tight and he’s afraid. Sometimes he wonders if it’ll be too much. He wonders if this is it, if he’s close to his last breath because Saki is far _far_ too tight and there’s nothing he can do about it. He scratches at his neck from time to time, trying not to gag as his world slowly but surely collapses around him. He hasn't had a backup plan. Akira wasn't supposed to tire of him like this.

Sae stops him with furrowed brows, they don’t quite get along like they used to but she’s concerned. He’s a stupid kid, prone to overworking himself because his father’s the biggest asshole she’s ever had the displeasure of meeting. She touches the collar of his shirt and wrenches her hand back with a strangled gasp. “Akechi-kun, you’re bleeding!”

Akechi touches this throat, Sae’s genuine concern loosening the collar just enough for him to touch the raw bloody skin beneath. “I… suppose it wouldn’t be unreasonable for me to request the rest of the day off?”

“Go home and clean up. I’ll handle the rest.”

“Thank you, Sae-san.” He grabs his briefcase and speed walks as casually as he can manage out of the prosecutor’s office, fumbling to take out his phone.

Akira.

He needs Akira.

He should be getting out of school just about now, right?

Goro sends a frantic text, asking to spend the evening together, biting his lip. It feels like an eternity before he gets an answer, but Akira does say yes. Goro almost cries from relief as he asks to meet at LeBlanc. It’s a bit out of the way, considering he wants to stop home to keep from ruining his suit anymore than he has, and that he isn’t sure if Akira will have bandages or disinfectant there, but he needs to see him. Needs to get this damn collar to loosen up, even a smidge.

And, honestly, there's no way to do that without Akira.

His stop home is nothing more than shedding his clothes for something more casual, thankful for those shopping trips he took alone. A pair of sweats and a black hoodie are what he _needs_ amidst all the discomfort he can’t fix.

He practically storms through LeBlanc once his driver drops him off, only sparing Sojiro an empty wave as he passes through. Akira said he'd be waiting upstairs, in the attic, so, that's where Goro goes without a second thought.

It hurts. His throat hurts, collar feeling tighter and tighter, though he doubts it actually budged. Not that it matters, hopefully he can get help now that he’s here.

Akira stands to greet him, but Goro merely shakes his head. “No, sit.” Akira wonders if his voice sounds a little different, but he brushes it off quickly. It’s been a few days since they’d last spoken, it’s no big deal, he’s certain.

So, Akira raises his brows and puts up his hands in mock defeat, sitting back down, “What’s up?” Wordlessly, Goro sits down and lays his head on Akira’s lap, burying his face in his hip. Akira tenses for a moment, before carding his fingers through Goro’s hair gently. “Your breathing is labored… Were you so excited to see me that you ran?” He teases, frowning as Goro remains silent. It’s not the best way to lighten the mood, but hey, he’s trying. It’s more than most would do.

Instead of responding, Goro sits up, removing his sweatshirt and lowering the collar of his shirt. In a flash, Akira’s hands rest on Goro’s shoulders, daring to move closer to that damned necklace. Of course, Goro can’t blame him for his hesitation, he saw his skin in the mirror before leaving the house. It’s red and raw and angry, dried blood sticking to his skin. Though, after what feels like a milenium, Akira overcomes his fear and ghosts his fingers over sensitive skin. Goro cringes, only slightly, but it’s enough for Akira to draw his hand back.

“Is it from that necklace?” Akira asks, dumbly, scrambling for words to grasp on to. How long has he been injured? Why is the necklace still on? Does Goro hate himself a lot more than first thought?

“Mhm,” Goro zips the jacket back up, pulling the hood closer to his neck as if it would hide the damage.

Akira pulls the hood away, frowning, “It’ll get infected if you leave it as is. Let me clean it at least.”

Goro nods, pushing the hood back as Akira scrambles to find his first aid kit. “Thank you,” HIs voice really does sound different, it’s more hoarse than he’s used to.

“Don’t mention it,” He says with a shrug, unzipping the bag. Disinfectant, bandages, and an antibiotic. That should do the trick for now, though he’s not sure if Goro will maintain proper care of his body on his own. “Actually… Sit tight for a second...” He mutters, before dashing down the stairs. There’s a hushed conversation between Sakura-san and Akira, but there’s nothing that Goro can make out of it. Not that it matters, before long, Akira is back with a clean rag and a bowl of water. “It might be a good idea to get the dried blood off before anything else… And until I get the necklace off it’s hard to see what the damage actually is… Can you take it off for me?”

Goro shakes his head, “It can’t come off.”

Weird response, but Akira isn’t sure this is the time to push for answers. He doesn’t want to make Goro uncomfortable while he’s vulnerable, he seems like the type to run. “Can I clean around it then?” Goro nods, steeling himself for the pain to follow when Akira brings the damp cloth to his throat. His teeth grit together as Akira gently scrubs the blood from his neck, already fighting back tears. And to think, the hydrogen peroxide would be next. It’s hard not to cry, but Akechi manages to tilt his head back a bit to blink them away as they form with hissed swears. “I’m almost done, hold on a little bit longer. You’re so strong, Goro, such a good boy,” He murmurs, tossing the damp rag towards his laundry basket.

Goro punches Akira in the arm, mustering a glare through watery eyes, “Don’t be a _dick_.”

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll finish up,” He mutters, slipping his fingers under the collar to apply the antibiotic as quickly as possible. He tries to ignore the way Goro cringes at his touch. “I’m not sure I can bandage this properly with the necklace on…” His fingers slide to the back of Goro’s neck and his brows furrow, “Where’s the clasp?”

“It doesn’t have one,” Goro mutters, looking away with a light flush, “Just leave it.”

“Why doesn’t it have a clasp?” He pushes, cupping one of Goro’s cheeks and brushing his thumb over it.

Goro laughs mirthlessly, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Akira shakes his head, lips quirking up slightly, “Try me.”

“Maybe another time… I’m tired and that conversation is a draining one to have,” He dismisses, pushing Akira down onto the bed, “Just… Lay with me for a while... Please?”

He nods, fingers running through Goro’s hair, “Yeah, as long as you need, Goro.”

Goro doesn’t know how long they laid together like that before he fell asleep, but he wakes up to Akira getting ready for school. It’s oddly domestic, peaceful.

_“It’ll never last."_


End file.
